booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
