herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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