Fine. I'll sleep in my office
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
