false alarm. still invincible.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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