Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
