oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
