hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
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