Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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