Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
