I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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