what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
