If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
