dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
