Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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