the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Are we still banned from the library?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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