She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
