Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
