She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Houston, we have a squirter
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Randomize
