I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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