drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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