He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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