If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
