Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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