I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
