32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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