Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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