A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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