I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
