whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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