Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
