So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
