Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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