yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
