my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
