your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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