Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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