Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize