I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
