I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
