im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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