so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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