i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
