why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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