If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
