My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
