lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I wish there were birth control emojis
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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