I wanna passion pit in your ass
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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