I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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