do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
