you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
