Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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