i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
