we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You made out with two different species that night
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
