Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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