At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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