hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
