i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
its not stalking. its research.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
