I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
