If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize