Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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