Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
