do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
