we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
