Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
