I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
