Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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