meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
