i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You're so nebulous sometimes
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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