I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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