He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
