clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize