Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Come see our sink grown plant.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
