my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I will pee on everything he values.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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