We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
