pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
