Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
