happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
